Yesterday I decided not to meditate. Everyone was already up, the energy of the house was busy, My Son was playing Keyboard and my mind was racing and distracted as I try to fathom something I’m mentally struggling with right now.
Navigating the school car park in the morning felt a bit more like it used to. An attention test that made me really quite anxious and on edge, not exactly like it used to, but I definitely noted an absence of grace in my dealings.
I came home and tried to work on the blog post I started the day before I still couldn’t make it convey what was in my mind, so I decided to just walk away from it and take a break.
I tried to listen to my Audio book, but it just wasn’t the right energy … I wasn’t in the right mood to soak it up. A bit irritable I guess. So I went to my Daughters playlist and selected Taylor Swift; who provided a soundtrack while I did the dishes and cleaned all the surfaces in the kitchen. It had been about a week since it last looked that tidy. Each time after that, when I walked into the space yesterday and saw the lovely uncluttered state, I felt quite Zen.
The light was beautiful yesterday and I’d thrown some past best, meat onto the Pavers before school, so I went and sat on the steps with my Camera and watched the hierarchy of birds snatch bits away, mostly it was all the usual Feathered characters but an Australian Raven came down for some too. It enchanted me.
My mind was leaving its circling of this perplexing thing that presents its self in the front of my mind at least once a week for the last several months. Some times another piece of the puzzle becomes clearer but mostly its just around and around with why, how and what. I’m questioning and examining a long held emotional truth.
Yesterday I was tired. Too much time in my head can wear me down and make me physically tired. I guess Sleep is the relief that busy mind seeks.
I groomed the dog.
I emptied the bins.
I had a nap.
Yesterday the sun was shining despite the cold. I had a late, light lunch. I collected the children from School. I replied to emails, tracked parcels, paid bills and thought about baking. I waited for my new note book to be delivered, the one I would use as my Bullet Journal – its orange! My favourite colour. I prepared dinner and we ate it.
After Dinner We we talking about Summer Basket ball trials and the ages of my Daughters Team mates, Some are already in High school and the younger girls, mine included, start High school next year. My girl , was sitting on the couch with the Mr. and I was in the other chair, ruling lines in my new note book.
This conversation meandered around the girls ages, school preferences, locations and their families. I chimed in with a random, distracted comment of “I scored with her dad Once” My daughter started to laugh hysterically and I noted the Wry Smile on my Mr’s face The three of us started laughing as I fumbled trying to come up with a less ambiguous way of saying what I meant.
I corrected myself “I did bench duty, with her Dad”
I asked her, with good humour, to clarify what she thought ‘scoring with someone’ meant. She ducked her head and said with an embarrassed, self conscious voice” I’m not saying that to you guys!” We all laughed again. She is growing up. Melancholy, I remember being her age, quite clearly, though it seemed less complicated back then.
The Kids went to bed, the Mr made me a cup of Tea, I watched a feel good TV show, ruled more lines in my book, Did my night time routine and curled up in Bed.
Yesterday the sun shone, I learned some things, we laughed, we ate good food. I was able to pull myself back into the present, I was kind and gentle with myself.
Yesterday was not perfect, but it sure was a good day.